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| Wednesday, January 14th, 2009 | | 10:28 pm |
the one where i ramble about musicals...
For those of you who aren’t keeping score @ home, I came out against musicals a few days back. I think that the nightmare before x-mas started it all. I totally remember being excited about it before it was released & y’know that we got down w/ the stimpy stamps beforehand. Well, after almost freaking out after the 1st 5-10 minutes, I realized that they’re going to sing…and keep singing through the movie. It was like when we went to see cool world, another awesome idea that just didn’t make it 100% for one reason or another… Quick side note: even though I haven’t seen sweeny todd, I don’t want to get the earworms & that’s my main reason for not wanting to see it. Earworms? Wtf are those??? From time to time, I get songs stuck in my head & no matter what I do it’s all I can hear. I’m really stubborn & obstinate about sweeny todd, but that’s another story entirely… I had a point when I started writing & I swear that I’ll make it before I’m done. Basically, I’m saying that while most musicals are trash…there are a few examples of decent musicals. a) happiness of the Katakuris This one is a dark Japanese comedy about a family who own a hotel where the guests keep dying for one reason or another. The whole family keeps hiding the bodies & it gets crazier as the story unfolds. It’s pretty funny even if they’re singing in Japanese: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIXyiJqMLJIb) interstellar 5555 This is daft punk’s 2nd album, discovery, animated by the guy who did battleship yamoto & a bunch of other anime from way back. If you know his style, you’ll recognize it instantly… This part is my favorite song even though it’s pretty sad. It isn’t as sad as grave of the fireflies… (miyzaki’s most grindingly depressing movie & probably the saddest, most depressing film ever. I was bummed for 2-3 weeks afterwards when we watched it. That said…don’t watch it unless you want to watch 2 little kids starve to death, slowly, in ww2 japan) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXD0Xb6aZJISomebody posted all of 5555 on you tube, so check it out if you’re into that type of thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ5XOwiryv0c) live freaky, die freaky I’ve never seen all of this in one sitting. every time we sit to watch it, I fall asleep. This one is a musical version of helter skelter…done in claymation. Nothing I can say will really capture this one, so check this out… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEd0YtmyyvwThere’s more, but this one is rated R for a good reason. It’s not for the kids…unless your kids are axe wielding maniacs & even then I don’t think that they need to be watching trash like that… So yeah, most musicals are awful, but there are a few that don’t fall off after the first few minutes. One last question…where do the nazis fit in the wall? I’m a huge pink floyd fan, but I totally don’t see where the nazis fit in about halfway through. Is it dude’s reaction to being dumped? Was it a subplot that comes to the fore down the road? Seriously, let me know b/c I’m really lost on that one… Thanks for listening. I’ll go back to chilling out until the next time I have something to say… j  Current Music: cure: 4:13 dream... | | Monday, January 12th, 2009 | | 4:51 pm |
| | Friday, January 9th, 2009 | | 2:40 pm |
chatted with a friend who: a) stated that now might not be the best time to move back to the bay area. b) is currently looking for a grief/trauma therapist in the bay area. me, i stated that: a) we're having a baby soon & that it's going to take a while to put together the money & other items needed for a move. i'd love to be there by the end of the month, but even the end of the year might be pushing it, honestly... b) i don't know anyone personally, so i'll ask my friends & family there... so yeah...does anyone know a good therapist who might be able to help someone who has been mugged recently & lost a close friend to suicide??? he's really going through it these days & wants more than just a hearing ear. any suggestions would be greatly appreciated... lotsa love to one & all, j  | | Thursday, January 8th, 2009 | | 1:00 pm |
twice in one day???!!!???
so i found the application for mfti. it doesn't look too hard, so that's cool. i also found out that recent ca legislation will allow my master's degree to be accepted w/out any drama, so that's cool too... here's the funny part though: i'm printing out the application & keep getting no paper error messages. after the 4-5th one, i decide to look into the printer to see what's going on inside. that's when i found it -- a dried up slice of pizza. me? i blame cracker crust b/c deep dish would never have fit in there. i had to laugh though b/c the baby's just imitating what she sees us doing. i'm just glad that i was able to get it out easily enough w/out having to do some huge song & dance routine. anyway, that's where things are...or were... j Current Music: cure: snakepit | | 11:03 am |
california licensure...
hello all, i know it's been a while since i've posted. the easy excuse would be to say that i've got nothing to say or that the baby's eaten my brain. neither is the case though. the core of it all is that i'm ready to get back to california one way or another. sure, we're having another baby in april. i'm aware that moving back to the bay area will probably be sticky, messy, expensive, and all that. in order to prepare for all of that though, i have the following question: does anyone know what steps one takes in order to get licensed as an MFTI? the mfcc or mft licenses are the next level licenses & require about 2 years of supervision. my plan is to find work as a counselor/therapist w/ the mfti license. there are quite a few listings, so that's one thing. so what i'm asking is for help or pointers to get some sort of therapist's license there in california. once i'm licensed, finding work & housing will follow. thanks in advance to one & all... joel  Current Music: nusrat fateh ali khan: mustt | | Sunday, November 2nd, 2008 | | 9:43 pm |
bacon vodka
for those of you who weren't involved in the original thread...and for those of you who were...i'm making bacon vodka. yes, bacon vodka. it's not that tricky: http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2008/01/baconflavored_v.htmli've done beer brewing a few times & am still enjoying the halloween IPA. it came out pretty good. i want to step up the alcohol content, but that's for the next batch... ...but i digress...i've made both turkey and pig vodka b/c muslims & jews really won't touch a pig, who knew that halal/kosher was so important??? you can rest assured that my polytheistic/pagan ass took all you muslims & jews into consideration...i just thought that muslims didn't drink though... anyway, there's still back issues of omaha cat dancer to read while waiting for thanksgiving & a chance to taste the BLTini...i'll keep you posted... j  Current Mood: productiveCurrent Music: gorillaz: sound check... | | Monday, July 21st, 2008 | | 5:03 pm |
green & black's white chocolate & strawberry
A couple of weeks back, I was returning some movies to the spot (where I rented some). While there, I saw some books on clearance. I haven’t really been able to find any Omaha cat dancer back issues, so I grabbed this book on Egyptian magic by that guy budge. He’s a big name in some circles…he was the curator of the british museum’s Egyptian & Assyrian collections for awhile. Anyway, I’ve always read dude w/ some skepticism for the main fact that he’s coming from the late 1800s Europe & all that. While doing some research into who he was in the big picture, I read a message stating his flaws clearly. A) he made a ton of mistakes for a few reasons (rush to publish, lack of full understanding of broad areas of information, etc), B) he was writing during a certain era in world history & one needs to keep that in mind when reading his works. There’s way more to it, but I was just taking a shower & thinking about the way that some writers become canonized despite their flaws while other more rigorous scholars may languish in obscurity. Sam delany may fall into this category, but I’m not too sure. My adoration of his writing goes on & on, but I feel like someone into jai-alai or curling who loves in the desert. Sure, there are rabid fans of each sport, but they’re just not w/ in a 2-300 mile radius of here. Anyway, I really want my doctorate like junkies want a fix. I often think that this side of the process is more enjoyable than the actual having of it. My master’s was like that. The expectation grossly outweighed the arrival, but most of life is that. Hunger…ok, time’s up. Before I go off the philosophical deep edge, I’ll post this & eat some ice cream… Current Music: local mexican radio | | Tuesday, July 15th, 2008 | | 3:49 pm |
afewminutestothink
So anyway, writing about what goes on in daily life doesn’t come naturally for me. I’m pushing myself, but here goes anyway: has leather/s&m become the new vanilla? With the mainstream acceptance of more & more sexual flavors, what was once extreme and scandalous may look tired to some. That’s what brings me to my question. An old friend is away for the summer in an exotic town and shared some pix. To me it looked like some brand new retro type of bondage fashion show. I’m glad for my friend to be enjoying himself, and I won’t go into the whole “it’s not like it was when” song & dance routine. I just wonder about the shifting boundaries of our culture. Tom’s of finland redefined gay masculinity and leather. That’s not even a question. His photo realist style set the standard for much of the current s&m scene as well as some of the bondage comix of today. I guess what I see is similar to what happened to disco & house. The underground scene becomes more & more successful for various reasons. As that happens, larger events become possible. With these large events, the initial niche appeal is lost in favor of appealing to a wider audience. This spells financial success at a somewhat indefinable cost. Some call it selling out, others call it buying in. regardless of the name, things will never be the same again… Current Music: aphex twin live in spain 2005 | | Thursday, July 10th, 2008 | | 2:46 pm |
a few minutes to write
Sometimes I get really worked up and forget some of the progress I’ve made along the way. Like I don’t really make a big production about being a freemason even though it’s been one of those lifelong goals of mine. It really boiled down to wanting one of those square & compass stickers for my car & then I realized that there was more to it than auto embellishments, even if they’re really cool. Really though, being a dad is one of those massively important things that don’t require staying up late writing or studying. There’s no final or midterm on this one, just my daughter, Camille. She’s really a lot like me in ways that I barely recognize and others that I play off like they’re nothing. I’ll give an example. I was watiching her this morning before she woke up. Well, that’s the glossed over version of the fact that I had an 830 appointment & I needed to get her to school before 8am. Anyway, I noticed that she has long eyelashes & they’re curly too. I’ve heard a number of people remark on my eyelashes through the years, but I never made much of it. What’s an appropriate response to an eyelash complement? I tend to rely on a brief thanks & move on. Anyway, the baby looks like me in ways that I don’t recognize b/c I don’t really spend time in the mirror. Sure, I use toner, moisturizer, eye cream, & a ton of other face stuff. My excuse is that my grilfriend is the health & body care manager @ an organic grocery here in ABQ. We get a ton of stuff all the time & if I don’t use it then it will just pile up more. Well, yeah…no, I admit to a bit of vanity & all that. i mean, who's not a little vain? show me... | | Tuesday, July 8th, 2008 | | 12:41 pm |
8july8-initium
Hello Tuesday. I’m looking forward to getting things done today. I’ve tried a number of anti-depressant activities and therapies. Vitamins seem to work with the least side effects. Exercise is even better, but my schedule doesn’t really allow swimming like I used to. There are a few eastern exercises that I could do, but I’m not there just yet. I’m working on taking a few minutes each day to handle tasks. As the week flows, those tiny steps will (hopefully) add up to a sense of accomplishment and completion that hasn’t really been mine for a while. Full catastrophe living is over. The baby has shown me the importance of planning and all that. Sure, it’s still new and I’m wanting to put things into 5th gear on the second day out. That’s fine though. eventually, I’ll be a mighty oak instead of feeling like some nut who fell out of a tree. I don’t have to write golden verse, just a write a bit more regularly. Eventually, the well will spring forth and I will be able to get into writing about the evolution of video porn through the last 30 years. When did shaving one’s genitals become so widespread? Also, I’d like to write about castration of the environmental movement. Recycling and caring about the environment does not carry the social credence of motorsports or handling firearms. What makes that so? Writing for a few minutes each day will help me get my mind around and into those ideas.  Current Music: light murmuring | | 2:02 am |
8july8
Almost 2am on Tuesday morning & I can’t really sleep. Just finished the dishes & scanning a few pictures. I went through & renamed all of the new shots of the baby. I’d like to share more and this is a step in that direction. Last month I started working w/ a website concerned w/ cleaning house & the point that stands out for me is that a number of ten minute tasks can actually get stuff done. Sure, the phrase baby steps would seem appropriate, but even the baby needs huge chunks of attention. So, here I am at the beginning of another month, full of great intentions & ideas. This time, I’m not really making a big production about how much this or that will get done, just quietly doing things that need to while throwing in time for the things that I want to get done. with the recent suicide of tom disch, I stumbled across an idea: "someone who knows what he wants to do and is so busy doing it that he doesn't have much time for anything else." It seems like a solid goal to aim for…this doing what I really want to isn’t some huge undertaking. i have a few goals, both long & short term. Writing more & keeping in touch w/ my friends is one of those & this is yes, that first step…  Current Music: luke vibert: benefist | | Thursday, March 20th, 2008 | | 11:09 pm |
| | Friday, February 1st, 2008 | | 12:43 pm |
1feb8...right wing lolcats???
Opinion and criticism… I want to admit that I love reading critical analyses and slanted political articles. Like what? Well…now that the atlantic is free online, I’ve combed through their back logs. http://www.theatlantic.com/my grandmother turned me on to the Wilson quarterly before I left new bern, nc and I saw their site recently. It’s full of dense stuff that I read before I fall asleep http://www.wilsoncenter.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=wq.welcomearts and letters daily is good, but it’s more a new discovery: http://aldaily.com/even if I don’t agree with what I read, I think that it’s important to know what the other half thinks. I have republican friends…yeah, really…and sometimes they make points that just completely blindside me. At the same time, there are a few ideas that just need to be dismissed out of hand… http://www.rationalresponders.com/hamurookis_irrational_preceptsespecially during this election year, it’s important to know what people believe. Right wingers can look just like you or me. http://www.law.yale.edu/faculty/SCarter.htmdude is super smart. I mean, teaching at yale’s school of law isn’t for the weak of mind, but look at what dude has written… http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/features/opinion/columns/stephencarter/so smart doesn’t always equal liberal…which might actually be a good thing. The jury’s still out on that theory though. I know a few right wingers with advanced degrees, so the argument continues…we all need a few conservative friends. It’s like racists who have that one black/latino/asian friend who they trot out now & then to seem a bit more accepting. Invite a republican over for dinner or drinks. You can say that you’re doing your part for the war effort. We need to understand where their coming from in order to shut down their arguments with ease…if you’re into that type of thing. Speaking of being into that type of thing. Here are a few more links from my bookmark folder: http://www.english.ufl.edu/imagetext/cfp.shtmlimage text magazine…it’s a collection of critical essays on comic books… http://johnkstuff.blogspot.com/john k from ren & stimpy fame…this is his blog…interesting stuff on the history of animation… http://www.yuni.com/library/latin_7.htmlSi tacuisses, philosophus manisses…two years of high school latin is good for something besides knowing what catholics are saying when they pray… http://www.gamesmagazine-online.com/I used to have a subscription to games magazine. My 3rd grade teacher would give me her old issues after she had combed through the crosswords. It’s hard to believe that I was in the 2rd grade in 1979/80, but the truth is sometimes stranger than fiction…mmm…I had to count on my fingers to make sure. It boils down to the fact that I was in the advanced English class while still doing 2nd grade math. I’ve never been good with numbers of equations… But I loved cuisinaire rods: http://pagesperso-orange.fr/john.mullen/cuisenaire.htmhttp://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&client=safari&rls=en&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=cuisenaire+rods&spell=1like it was nothing. I had a set and they were awesome. Speaking of awesome…who knew that menstruation could be funny? http://www.mum.org/visit1a.htmhttp://www.always.com/happy/home.jspI mean…have a happy period? Hmm…interesting, very interesting…insert inappropriate reference to female anatomy here…besides that…I’ve wanted to know about playing poker (heterosexist pun intended) & found this… http://www.thepokerforum.com/pokerhands.htmmiyazaki and moomin… http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0594503/great, but maybe not the greatest Japanese animator…I’m up to argue this point… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moominfinnish children’s show…along the lines of dr. snuggles http://www.doctorsnuggles.com/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_Snugglesmaybe not, but that’s another story… anyway…lolcats are the heat… http://www.flickr.com/photos/apelad/sets/72157600296941365/http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Joel_1Ceiling Cat is watching you, and he is mad to you. http://io9.com/347041/evolution-explains-why-lolcats-control-your-mind Current Music: pusherman: curtis mayfield | | Thursday, January 3rd, 2008 | | 1:22 am |
| | Thursday, December 13th, 2007 | | 8:40 pm |
joel reed, MA...yeah...really...
so i'm officially done w/ grad school! i'll feel a bit more secure about it once i have the degree in my hands, but i finished my oral exam this morning & checked out of the counseling center this afternoon... the next task is finding a job to make getting back to the bay area do-able w/in a year. i've started reading a book on making my money work for me. i've also started reading what mark silver has to say about getting the business side of things in order. anyway, i'm done & it feels great. i'll scan & post the degree once it's in my possession, but for now i'm just basking in the warm afterglow of academic completion... j Current Music: brand new heavies | | Thursday, November 29th, 2007 | | 8:53 pm |
| | 8:52 pm |
| | Thursday, November 8th, 2007 | | 7:21 am |
well, i wonder...
So it’s Sunday evening and I want to get a few thoughts out of my head for posterity. The graduation ceremony was yesterday and I feel like I missed out on the excitement somehow. First off, I would be a lot more excited if I was actually complete with the work. I’m not and there’s a bit of work left to do. I’m on track to get it all done, but that’s another story. What I’m saying is that the whole thing just doesn’t feel all that important to me right now. Why? Well, I have my sights set on my doctorate right now, and that feels more exciting. I feel somehow incomplete. I didn’t feel like it meant all that much. I played along and actually went to the ceremony, but I didn’t invite anyone. I chatted with a friend who stated that I’m the first in my immediate family to receive his master’s degree, which is important. My response was that I was also the only black male in the class of about 80 people. That stands for something in one way or another. I know that there are a few people who would be at least slightly excited about this accomplishment. Maybe I could have some type of celebration for the event once I complete the work… One thing that hit me recently is the possibility that my nonchalance towards achieving this milestone is limiting my possibilities. There’s so much that I can do with my degree. sure, the license that come along with it is similar to a driving permit. I say that because I have to work under supervision of some sort for a while until I get to the next stage. I am pleased to actually be fulfilling the goals that were set for me years ago. My uncle and a few others when I was growing up called me professor and saw some type of academic spark. I have spent time wondering what exactly it was that they saw, but I have to admit to a certain type of bookishness from an early age. Pictures and ideas have always fascinated me. Sports haven’t held the same meaning for me. I joined a pool in order to start paying attention to the weekly games. It’s an effort though and it doesn’t come quite naturally. I wonder if sports psychology is for me from time to time. I want to take some time and work in the field of mental health in order to see what doors have actually opened for me. Again, that won’t really come together until I’m done with the work at hand though. I start a new job tomorrow, but it’s just something to take the place of ASI. I’m so glad that I’m finally done with all of that. It was a huge headache that lasted way too long. I turned in the last of my paperwork on Friday. It felt good to get that over with. I know that I’ll probably feel the same way after the end of this school stuff. The relief will be much more complete after that. The ceremony was nice, but part of me felt like a pretender. I guess that was part of why I wasn’t 100% into everything yesterday. I played along and did my part with it, but the back end of it will be much more meaningful to me. Having my license & degree in hand will be the completion for me. I’m not there now, so I don’t feel all that worked up just yet. Project graduation: 1. Hours a. ASI i. Get hours signed off ii. Get review form filled b. Document indirect hours c. Exit interviews i. CM: 13nov= Tuesday morning? ii. SC: 13nov= Tuesday morning? 1. Get supervision review form filled 2. Internship paper a. Complete b. Email to JS 3. Counseling center a. Complete files i. NW ii. ML iii. A R-M iv. C & A O b. Sign out 4. Written Exam: 13nov=Tuesday afternoon 2-5 5. Oral Exam: 15nov= Thursday afternoon 6. Financial Aid exit intrvw 7. Library checkout=17$ 8. Personal therapy form a. Document MT’s license (19nov@8am) b. Turn in letter 9. Transcript request form (Fridays only) 10. Licensure a. Fill application b. Sort fee c. Send So yeah…I wanted to tie this up & post it. I’ve been under the radar for a few & thought I might give the world an update. I’m about to graduate & have mixed emotions about the whole thing. • who cares? Big deal. • Other people think it’s important, so I went along & did the graduation ceremony. It felt hollow b/c there’s still work to do, but the pomp & circumstance was an interesting experience. • If getting my master’s degree isn’t important then what type of accomplishment is worthy of praise? In my eyes, I feel like I’m on 3rd base. I want my doctorate…I’m hungry for it. That would be cause for celebration. Having set my eyes on another goal has lessened the importance of what I have attained. • Tons of people go through their life and never get involved in higher education. o It’s not for everyone o There’s more to be learned than what fits in a classroom o Sweatt v. Painter, State of Missouri ex rel. Gaines v. Canada, and other education-based cases paved the road for me & my nonchalance. Historically, it’s somewhat important for me to get my MA in counseling. What I see as mediocrity is considered earth shattering to others. • This is a goal I set out to accomplish a few years back. I left everything in SF for this. Current Music: smiths: well, i wonder (meat is murder) | | Wednesday, September 26th, 2007 | | 3:02 pm |
leap of faith...
Hello Todd, I write to you with great reluctance and mixed emotions. Yes, that time has finally arrived. While in the process of completing my internship hours and preparing for my final oral exams, I know that there is something else that needs my attention. I have to resign from ASI. My last day will be the Friday, 26th of October. I have considered leaving many times in the last three years for one reason or another, but the relationships I built with JC and CV kept me from leaving. Words just cannot completely cover the range of feelings I am working through right now. Part of me feels excited because I am about to start the next stage of my career. I am reaching a real-life, long-term goal. Another part of me is torn by what is called anticipatory grief. I am walking away from two friends with whom I have spent the last three years, sharing the highs and lows of our mutual experiences. I have begun going on interviews with various agencies around the city. While I chose not to leave for just a slight increase in pay, the packages being offered now are much more attractive. I have to make more money in order provide for my family now. My priorities have shifted in the last few years, and I have to make decisions to accommodate such change. My time with ASI has pushed me to develop new skills. One of these is meeting deadlines. I hate paperwork, but I love getting paid. The connection between the two became crystal clear in the last three years. Also, I was able to establish a solid work record. My three years with ASI definitely give me a solid foundation to base my next few steps. I have seen many changes in both the agency and myself during that time and am grateful for the opportunity that was extended back in July of 2004. I have enjoyed working here and will continue my personal friendship with you and your staff. Sincerely, Joel Reed So that’s my letter of resignation from ASI. I’d prefer to just give two weeks, but I’m under contract to give a notice in writing and 30 days notice, so I had to go the formal route. I’m more grateful to my grandmother whose encyclopedia of letters gave me the format I used. Sure, the front piece is a but awkward, but I really wanted to get my point across. What point is that? Well, I have wanted to quit many times, but not just for a few pennies more across the street. Also, the relationships I developed with my clients was more of a friendship than a client/therapist. We’ve seen changes over time and I wanted to comment on that. At the same time, I am excited about looking for new work and going on interviews. The one this morning felt very solid. I was thrown by a question regarding schizophrenia. When I looked up the answer @ home, I realized that what I said was accurate. I guess that I actually did learn something in grad school. I have heard myself comment on the level of academic rigor and how I left SF in order to focus on the books. I guess that the message between the lines is that I am pretty smart when I focus and can do more than I actually give myself credit for being capable of doing. Part of me just doesn’t see what everyone has been seeing since I was little. Back then; my uncle called me “the professor.” It just felt awkward, being praised for reading or wanting to know about pyramids, chemistry, or whatever else caught my attention. More and more, I’m grateful to my grandmother for encouraging me to dig deeper into books. I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for her. She got me into drawing and painting as well. Things wouldn’t be and aren’t the same without her… | | Friday, September 7th, 2007 | | 11:46 am |
baby's first day @ school (yeah, really)
So I just left the baby w/ some women I just met. I know, it sounds crazy to me as well. She’s @ this agency where a friend of ACV’s leaves her son, so that’s a very good recommendation. Also, we went by yesterday & chatted w/ the director. I believe that was her position, but I’m really not sure. They were really nice & answered my questions without being defensive or condescending. That was a major piece for me b/c we’ve been to a few places & they made me feel uneasy. Here I am working on my master’s in counseling; I’m almost done w/ internship. I should be done in a couple of months. Anyway, some of the people have been real snooty towards us. That wasn’t the case @ this place & that was a big piece for me. Also, when we were there this morning, the women said that the attachment anxiety I was feeling was normal which really put me at ease. I have heard a few people say that there aren’t many dads involved with their kids and that’s really shocking to me. It just seems natural for me to be there for CER. The house feels empty without her, but I’m stoked about being able to just sit & write for awhile without having to worry about a screaming baby. I had forgotten what the house was like when it’s just me here. Well, maybe not totally forgotten but I had gotten used to the idea of babysitting. I guess that what I’m saying is that I’m into the whole parenting thing. It feels awkward sometimes b/c I don’t see many other black dads working through it all. at the same time though, the guys @ the lodge have been really supportive & offered encouragement. The flowers they sent were real nice too… But I’d like to look into doing something around fatherhood though. when we were doing the birthing & parenting classes, the guys seemed to be along for the ride instead of really getting what they needed as far as info or support. Sure, I’m projecting some, but I read an article that suggested all male parenting classes helped guys to get more involved in the whole scene. I can agree with that b/c so much of the focus is on the mommy, and that makes sense. I think that daddy needs some type of support as well though. there are a number of guy things that don’t really get much attention. Like what? Well, for me, no one mentioned the fact that I would be changing a naked girl baby. I’m not sexually attracted to my daughter by any stretch of the imagination, but when I see naked vaginas, a certain set of attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors are cued. I have to put all that on the shelf & finish the job @ hand. Diapers are nasty, but I’m pretty much used to the fact that I’ll be changing them for a couple of years. Also, I don’t think that the baby’s all that cute anymore. Lovable? Yes, but with all the crying & screaming, the cuteness has worn thin. Sure, when she smiles and gurgles, I’m enraptured, but I know what’s underneath that. So yeah, I think that having some type of all male parenting class is something for me to do. I’ve been running groups for a few months & am about to get onto the licensure track. How hard would it be to gear up w/ other daddies? It’s something to look into once I’ve gotten everything done w/ school. I’m sure that there’s more men who feel the same way about kids. Maybe some wanted to have them & set out on that path, but I know that some guys are just along for the ride. Getting them involved can only help the family structure b/c dads are important. I’m sure that there’s some grief, loss, or trauma involved in all of that. For me, I’m facing the hole where my dad wasn’t. he died a few months after I was born, so I have no solid memories of him. I feel like the whole thing is an extended ad lib for me. People have said that I’m a good dad, but even that doesn’t ring true for me since I don’t have a frame of reference for what a good dad is or isn’t. I’ve been reading up on child abuse & neglect lately, so I know a bit more about that now. The thing is that I’m doing what comes naturally. I heard that was a good place to start. I’m not afraid of asking questions either… I’ve been looking at the jobs that are out there for a master’s level student and there are quite a few. The latest angle for me is the connection between jobs offered and my specialty: grief, loss, & trauma counseling. Like I saw a listing for an academic counselor. Getting through graduate school definitely makes on an academic, but where’s the connection? Also, I have seen a number of listings for case managers. Part of me is reluctant to go that route. Why? It doesn’t seem like a good fit in my eyes. Maybe that’s something for me to bring up w/ my therapist who’s gone through this whole route before. He’s been doing therapy for 10-15 years, so that makes him a good source for answering my questions. One of the best things I heard was that it will probably take 3-5 years to get ready for private practice if only b/c no one really knows me & probably won’t refer clients my way as a result. Getting settled in the bay area will definitely be a great place to do some work b/c I’ve wanted to support the black community since I left. Now I’m in a much better position to do so. That really feels good to me b/c I won’t have quite as much of a barrier to work through. Instead of having to work through race, I’ll have to focus more on class differences. I wouldn’t mind buying a house in HP off 3rd street though. some of those houses are nice. I’m looking forward to getting back in a major way. Words don’t even come close to describing the emotions I feel when I think about it all: the food, the beach, the music, my friends, the culture… Speaking of culture, I have been wrestling with a question and ultimately I have to admit that I’m just a big nerd. I’m fine with such a description b/c school is pretty interesting for me. The question: “Is pop culture “dumbing down” america?” was posed by my brother a few days back. (yes, we’re talking again. That’s a whole other deal) my response is that pop culture is like eating fast food. If that’s all one consumes then there are resulting issues with a direct connection from such a diet. I have to admit that I am in the outlying minority though b/c the norm these days seems to be moving away from actively engaging what one consumes and towards tying on the feedbag of media. At the same time, I realize that the mainstream is and has been the majority. I am much more finicky about what I like for movies, books, or tv. My music tastes are eclectic at best. House music has never gotten mainstream approval. The disco backlash seems to be balanced by the 90s rave scene. I just don’t want to admit to the anesthetizing effect of pop culture. I resist fascination with celebrity and glamour. It means nothing to me b/c I don’t know anyone who lives like that in my daily life. None of the big names interest me, but that doesn’t stop the Hollywood machine from churning out scandals, photos, and drama week after month after year. As far as dumbing down, I wonder about the stats regarding higher education. Have less doctorates or masters degrees been distributed in the last 10-20 years? Is the question harkening back to some “golden age” when celebrity meant less and young people were focused on something else? To me, the whole thing feels like a trap. It’s one of those questions with an implied yes answer. [this is x, isn’t it? Only a fool would believe something like that, no?] I guess that some of that media literacy stuff sank in along the way through school. to me, a lot of that stuff seemed obvious, but maybe I’m the only one who sees things that way. I don’t really care if I am, I’ve gotten used to such a long time back…  Current Music: new order: icb |
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